why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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