I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
