Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
