I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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