i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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