So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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