didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
