4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
organizing the empties. That sober.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
