Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
