Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
