i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize