my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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