I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
