wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ketchup is God's man juice
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
