All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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