How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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