apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
