Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
