Moan for me like Helen Keller
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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