omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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