His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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