I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
