I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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