So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
