It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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