Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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