thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
