You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
please don't ironically join a cult
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