i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
