do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
