I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize