Yo dont text me then not text me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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