Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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