she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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