She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
