Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
