I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
