We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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