Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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