you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
