Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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