She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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