If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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