If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
