This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
