i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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