By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
