dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
