there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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