dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
