STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
