wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
