I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
