Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
