if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
