My first STD was from a foam party
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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