Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize