Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
