I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
