i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
