If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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