were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Couch. On fire.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
