She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
