A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
