Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
