I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
