A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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