I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
