Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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