the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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