God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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