Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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