oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
