I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
