I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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