You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
