I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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