Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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